just in case you wondered...
Thursday, Aug. 10, 2006 :: 9:30 p.m.

so everyone here probably thinks i died. i guess i sort of did for a while. i never got the self-motivation to post my written entries, and i've lost the motivation to even write daily anymore. hell, i hardly write weekly now. things have been shitty, but i'm getting through them because i have to. in a nutshell, i just got out of a really bad relationship. one that, unfortunately, is affecting my ability to work now. my dad broke his wrist, though, mostly it's my fault. my dad also lost his job in april, so now he's home and twice as cranky. i've put on weight and i don't like it. i got my first ever speeding ticket, 4 points. and after spending roughly $800 my record is clean again. i'm currently working 2 jobs. and i'm not allowed to use my car except for transportation to and from work. all in all, it sucks.

but i'm not miserable. on the contrary i'm kind of happy today. i'm going to apply for the FIRST position to help start new teams in the NJ area, as well as do presentations to corporations for new sponsorship, and to students and schools around the state. i really hope i get it, seeing as i already do so much of this. i'm working on the official website for NYC/NJ FIRST under the direction of the regional director. i'm hoping this will influence their decision to hire me, since he already sort of said he thinks i'm tops. i know, cheesy line, i'm sorry.

also, today i did a really nice thing for a friend. ender is having a really tough time with his own speeding ticket, and was selling his ipod to pay it off. so i bought it from him, for the 90 dollars he asked for. but, since his birthday is this weekend, i told him to keep it. it's important to him, and while 90 bucks might seem like a lot of money for a birthday present to a friend i've only seen once in my life, i feel like i'm doing the right thing. and that makes me feel good.

also, i'm back in therapy (though it was against my will), and my therapist made a good point. i constantly call myself lazy, but i work my ass off. i do and have done a lot of good things. i set good examples (most of the time) and i work really hard. and he said, i need to start appreciating all the things i do. that i am a responsible adult, and i am capable of making goals and meeting them. it's encouraging. i don't know, somehow i feel so different than i did a few months ago.

lockedinside
dland


last five entries

- - Friday, Jan. 10, 2020
older but not wiser - Friday, Aug. 15, 2008
you say i'm different, but i stay the same - Saturday, Jan. 26, 2008
i open my mouth to scream, but all i make is silence - Wednesday, Mar. 14, 2007
just in case you wondered... - Thursday, Aug. 10, 2006