older but not wiser
Friday, Aug. 15, 2008 :: 2:11 a.m.

seven years.

yeah, i said it. that's how long i've been here. 2002 is when this journal was birthed. i've been through about a dozen layouts. from that ugly blue standard template, to lyrics from talking heads, to puddle of mudd and then into my own designs.

it's been a changing battle, much like my debate over keeping this alive. keeping this username. not burying something that meant so much to me. something that really made me who i was in high school. there's so many defining moments buried in the pages here. but does any of that matter?

i don't feel like i'm the same person. but then i come across an old entry and i find, well, i'd still make a lot of the same decisions.

sure, i'm wiser. i'm 23. i've got more experience under my belt. but i'm jaded. sure, i pretended to be jaded before. i made remarks that i knew where cold and empty before i really understood why. i used boys before i had any interest in men. and then i went on to use them.

i feel like i'm getting older, and with that should come a new outlook, but maybe i'm just trying to hard to change who i am.

the inside doesn't change. the morals, and the building blocks should stay the same, right? so why don't i want them to?

lockedinside
dland


last five entries

- - Friday, Jan. 10, 2020
older but not wiser - Friday, Aug. 15, 2008
you say i'm different, but i stay the same - Saturday, Jan. 26, 2008
i open my mouth to scream, but all i make is silence - Wednesday, Mar. 14, 2007
just in case you wondered... - Thursday, Aug. 10, 2006